Atobeism
by Hopeless27
Summary: with the birth of a new religion, hilarity ensues…and it doesn’t help that Atobe is acting like a total diva… atoji


**Rated:**** K+**

**Summary**: **with the discovery of a new religion called Atobeism… hilarity ensues…and it doesn't help that Atobe is acting like a total diva…**

**Pairings: ****Atoji, Dirty**

**Category: ****humour**

**Characters:**** Hyoutei**

**Disclaimer:**** If I owned PoT, Jirou and Atobe would really be going out, unfortunately I don't.**

* * *

_Yay! Number 20!! –Does the number 20 dance-, Be proud I haven't gotten tired of this yet… Here's a list:_

_**Hyotei Phobia**_

_**Hyotei Library Session**_

_**Bets and Lovers**_

_**Book of Stupidity**_

_**Fights and Idiots**_

_**Switching Places**_

_**Book of Stupidity 2**_

_**Melting Ice**_

_**Lost in Tennis**_

_**Of Cameras and Attention**_

_**Street Tennis**_

_**Ore-sama's journal**_

_**Advice from Jirou**_

_**The Park and the Church**_

_**The Accident**_

_**Unhappy Information**_

_**Hospital Food**_

_**Help from Jirou**_

_**Reconcile and Resolve**_

_Your editor is also proud. Though she is getting sick of you sending her your crap at the WORST possible times…_

* * *

"What is that?" Atobe asked, staring blankly at the lunch box Oshitari was holding as they walked towards Oshitari's Porsche waiting outside to take them to the hospital.

"It's natto, and takoyaki." Oshitari stated watching his driver open the door for them.

"And what exactly are natto and takoyaki?" Atobe asked as Oshitari climbed into the Porsche.

"They're food." Oshitari replied as Atobe climbed in after him.

"Ore-sama knows that!" Atobe snapped.

"Then why did you ask?"

Atobe glared at Oshitari who kept his poker face straight. "What type of food is it?"

"Fermented soybeans" –Oshitari made a face- "and octopus dumplings…" Oshitari said, "Kansai food."

"Ah… and who in their right mind would eat fermented soybeans?"

"Gakuto likes them." Oshitari shrugged, "Even though I hate them." (I'm gonna go ahead and assume Oshitari hates them because most Kansai people do.)

"So your issues are resolved then?"

"Somewhat." Oshitari replied and Atobe pressed no further.

---

When they actually got to the hospital, Kabaji mysteriously appeared behind Atobe holding a large book. Oshitari decided not to ask. Shishido, Jirou and Hiyoshi were already there but Ohtori had band practise so he'd be late.

"Did you bring it?" Mukahi asked brightly, putting down his manga.

"Yes," Oshitari put the food on Mukahi's table and Mukahi quickly dug into it.

"So mfat oud oof frinhg mua?" (So what did you bring me?) Mukahi asked the rest of the regulars through the food.

Shishido dumped a bunch of papers on Mukahi's desk and growled, "Homework."

"No thanks, you can keep it." Mukahi said, after swallowing his natto.

"Be glad I brought it for you instead of burning it," Shishido glared at Mukahi, "And why does your notebook smell like cafeteria soup anyways?"

"I'm a growing boy you know! I get hungry in classes!"

"Sure." Shishido rolled his eyes.

"I brought you a CD!" Jirou said, brightening the mood after being woken up by Atobe.

"Oh great, just what I wanted, a Tch- Tai… a CD of someone whose name I can't even pronounce," Mukahi said.

"It's Tchaikovsky." Oshitari said, glancing at the CD.

"Did you steal it off your boyfriend?" Mukahi asked Jirou.

"Yes…"

"Ore-sama was wondering where that went…" Atobe gave Jirou a look.

"I brought you some manga…" Hiyoshi said, dumping some books on the table.

"Yay! How'd you know I was reading this series?"

"It's kinda hard not to know since you talk about it 24/7." Hiyoshi replied passively.

"Meh," Mukahi turned to Atobe, "So…"

"What?"

"What did you bring me?"

Atobe sighed and snapped his fingers, a faithful Kabaji dumped the huge book on the table.

"And what is that?"

"It's a book." Atobe replied calmly and Mukahi reached to pick it up.

"…Heavy…" Mukahi winced and dropped it onto the sheets, "Atobeism bible?"

"Don't tell me you wrote that…" Oshitari said, gazing at the large book with the small print.

"Ore-sama has a social life… Ore-sama's servants wrote it."

"…"

"You expect me to read it?" Mukahi randomly flipped the pages. "It's just basically listing your talents… I really don't want to hear about your life story."

Atobe swayed a little and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. Not wanting to hear about Ore-sama's life story? How could anyone not want to know more about _the_ Atobe Keigo? Atobe took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

"Don't faint on us now." Shishido said, "I'm sure lots of fangirls would pay for it."

Atobe didn't speak.

"Saa Atobe, I'm sure Gakuto was just joking…"

Atobe still didn't speak.

"Usu?"

Atobe didn't even blink.

"Kei-chan!!!" Jirou took Atobe's hand.

Atobe still didn't budge.

The team members were starting to get really worried now.

"Hey, I'm sure… I'm sure…" Mukahi was getting panicky, "Hiyoshi would read it!"

"What, why me?"

Mukahi hissed in Hiyoshi's ear, "Listen to your senpai."

"…" _Today is NOT my day_. Hiyoshi grabbed the book and flipped open to a random page. "Commandment number one, there is only one Atobe Keigo, ein, not five not six, just one…" Hiyoshi glanced up, "Commandment number two, worship Atobe Keigo all the time…"

"Conceited," Mukahi coughed.

"Sugee!" Jirou smiled, "Can I be the high priest?"

"If you wish." Atobe ruffled Jirou's hair.

"Usu?"

"You're Ore-sama's assistant."

"Usu."

"Why is he the high priest?"

"Because Kei-chan is my boyfriend!" Jirou grinned, "that means he's not your boyfriend, he's MINE!" Jirou turned and glared around the room.

"…scary…" Mukahi hid under the covers.

"This is just a rough draft, ore-sama hasn't read it yet." Atobe shrugged, "But ore-sama does like the commandments."

"So you're making ME read it?"

"Commandment number three, Akutagawa Jirou is Atobe Keigo's boyfriend, worship him too…" Hiyoshi kept on reading, "Commandment number four, listen and obey Atobe Keigo without question for he is the one and only God."

"My servant went overboard…" Atobe rubbed his temple. "Maa, how did he know about Jirou?"

"Forget about that, this is amusing!" Mukahi stole the book off Hiyoshi.

"So why do you have your own religion?"

"Ore-sama deserves it." Atobe smirked and flicked his hair charismatically.

"Uh, no you don't." Shishido said.

"Excusez-moi?" Atobe raised an eyebrow.

"Stop it with your damned Greek!" Mukahi demanded.

"Gakuto…" Oshitari whispered in Mukahi's ear, "That was French…"

"Oh… I knew that…" Mukahi rolled his eyes.

"So how do we get baptised?" Jirou asked.

"You're really going to worship your boyfriend?"

"No well I was just wondering…" Jirou pouted.

"…"

"That's right, how DO you get baptised…?"

"Hm…"

"Does it really matter since we're not even going to enter that religion… if you can call it that." Shishido asked.

"Atobe, you are not a divine figure." Oshitari said.

"…"

"Here we go again…"

The door to the hospital room suddenly swung open to show Ohtori and Sakaki-sensei standing outside.

"I feel like we missed something…"

"…"

* * *

_**A/N:**__Yeah I kinda used the Jenovaism thing by Velvy for some of the commandments. And Atobe is acting like a diva… well he IS a diva. Jirou also has an evil side apparently._

_Dude, I finally found out their father's professions…lolz, but Shishido's dad is an elementary school teacher… so maybe he teaches at Hyoutei and that's why Shishido can go to Hyoutei… and it said Atobe's dad was a director… one source said securities company executive… so im not sure which is really right… -I actually care about these stuff, no life-…_

_Anyways, this one's short cuz I hafta go study business and geo. Wish me luck on the exams! (My geographical city in New Brunswick is called Atobeville!... culminating task, don't ask…)_

_**E/N:**__ It's okay Angie, you can shut up now. Just a heads up, Anti thought of this during business class and used it in her geo culminating, so just, please. Do me a favour and DON'T ASK. Anti would LOVE reviews and apparently keep her running which is questionable. Oh and wish me luck on my exams…cause I'm gonna TOTALLY need it…_

_**Your reviews keep me writing…**_


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